Saturday, April 4, 2009

"God"

by Phillip Loss

This was written by my Uncle Phil. He accepted Christ just over 2 years ago and is now very active in his church—Forest Hill-Rock Hill. He wrote this moving piece after reading Safely Home by Randy Alcorn. Enjoy ...

Here I am lying in this hospital bed trying to piece together what happened. I remember my best friend and I were talking about the existence of God. He got distracted and ran a red light. According to the doctor, that was five years ago. He said we were T-boned by an eighteen wheeler when my buddy ran the light. Then he dropped a real bomb; my buddy was not so lucky. He died instantly. What bothers me the most is that I remember the last part of the conversation like it just happened.

“Look man,” he said. “You’ve been sold a bill of goods. Can’t you see that all this business about heaven and hell is just a way to control people? I don’t believe there is a God.”

“C S Lewis didn’t either,” I said. “So he set out to prove it and came up with the opposite conclusion. He felt like everything pointed to the existence of God, rather than the lack of a God.”

“I don’t have any idea who C S Lewis is,” he replied. “But it’s obvious that you and ole CS have both been smoking the same thing. There is no God. Period. Besides, even if there were a God, I wouldn’t want to know him. Anyone that would let all the pain and suffering continue in this world is not worthy of my acceptance.”

My mind was reeling. Did he really mean those last two lines? Can it really be over just like that with no chance to recant? I can’t bear to think what he must be going through after such a thorough renunciation of God.

__________________________


I can’t be dead. The grave isn’t supposed to be like this. Nothing that so called “group of friends” told me even comes close to fitting.

“Your friend has been pulling your leg,” they said. “He really doesn’t believe there’s a God. He’s just trying to control you like the rest of those religious nuts. There is no God, and he knows it. No heaven. No hell. When you die, it’s just lights out. There’s no feeling what-so-ever. You just go on the long dirt nap. It’s just the end man. Since there’s no God, there’s no judgment. So eat, drink and be merry. Make your own rules. It’s all yours for the taking.”

Talk about being sold a bill of goods. I can’t believe I bought that crap; hook, line and sinker. I don’t know if that was God I saw just before I was sent here, but I do know there was a judgment. The funny thing is that it really wasn’t harsh; it was just mater of fact. I was just confronted by what I had done and said. My last line was particularly damning: “If God exists, He is not worthy of my acceptance.”

So here I am (wherever that is). Well, they were certainly right about one thing. There is no God here. At my judgment, I was pretty much told that since I didn’t want to accept God, He was not about to force me to. I was about to say I had changed my mind when the lights really went out. For good. Inky black with a deafening silence. And I ended up here. Oh I can see and hear just fine, but I’m limited to this plot-less movie of my past that just keeps running over and over in my mind. I can’t make it stop. Hey guys, you may want to listen up; this just may be the hell you convinced me did not exist. You absolutely do not want to come here.

As for the long dirt nap, what a bunch of bull. I’d give anything for the peace and quiet of a good nap. Just to be able to pull the plug on the terrible thoughts that keep running through my ever active mind. We use to joke about sleep deprivation being torture. Well that would be a cake walk compared to all the sleep I’ve been losing. Too bad you guys can’t hear me. Misery loves company, but I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

“No feeling what-so-ever,” you said. Well I got news for you guys. There’s plenty of feeling, and it’s all bad. That movie continues to run with all the bad things I ever did. No matter what I do, I can’t make it stop. It dominates my mind and pushes out everything else. I just get to remember how bad I screwed up.

“The end,” you said. Yea, right! There’s no way this feels anything like the end. It seems like I’ve been here forever, but somehow I know it’s just the beginning. And I know I’ll never get another chance to try any other way. You guys may still have the chance to do it the other way and reach out to God, but I have no way of reaching back and letting you know your choice, whatever it is, will be final. I have no way to tell you that you’re heading straight for the hell you think does not exist.

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