Adult Singles and Sex

Yep, you read the title right. If you're really scared you can leave now ... but I have a feeling that most of you will hang in there to find out what's up. And by the way, I do realize that this is very public. My family, my friends, my boss, my work friends can all read this ... but you know what? ... I have decided to write about it anyway, because the whole world is talking about sex—everyone but Christians. We need to have some Christian voices, and more importantly God's truth, in the conversation. After all, God invented it and gave it as a gift. So, I think that we should talk about it responsibly. And this is how I am choosing to "talk" about it. So, here goes ...

Being a single thirty-something has it's challenges—either you already know this, because you are a single adult, or you can imagine as a married person—you were single once too.

Anyway, from time to time in my adult life I go through periods where I really struggle about the whole sex issue and my feeling is that the church-at-large doesn't know how to deal with it, or is too embarrassed to do so. I can count on one hand the sermons that I have heard that deal with this issue, and the ones that I have heard basically go something like this ... If you're single, God says, "Don't do it!" Duh, ok that's news.

I mean seriously ... that, in and of itself, is not helpful! I already know that. I am committed to that. But being single doesn't take away the natural desire to have sex, so what do we do with those desires? And why does God give us those desires if we are not married? I mean, couldn't he have waited? Like say, I don't know, on the wedding night maybe throwing sexual desire in the mix?! BAM! That would be awesome! But he doesn't do it that way.

So, I am going somewhere with all of this ... so I have actually looked for, and found, some really good and helpful teaching on the Internet! My latest find has been Mark Driscoll's series called the "Peasant Princess" and it has been really awesome!

He taught through the Song of Songs late last year and he has put the whole series on the Internet for the world to see. If you haven't heard of him, let me fill you in a little bit. He is a pastor at Mars Hill Church, in Seattle, Washington, and by his own account, it is one of the least "churched" cities in America today. The congregation there is mostly twenty-somethings and mostly single. If you want to preach to a tough crowd, this is it. And not only does he preach God's word, he takes live text-message questions at the end of each session and answers them on the spot with his wife. Can you say uncomfortable?! He also has a number of Q&A posted on youtube.

I would encourage all of you, any of you, single or married, to take the time to watch this series. If your married, try to watch it with your spouse.

As a single who is committed to live in purity, this has been another great season of reminder. It reminds me that sex God's way is good, not perverted and twisted like it is on tv, on billboards, in movies, or in magazines—and just let me clarify that I am talking about productions and publications that regular people come in contact with everyday. It's like a refresher course on the Theology of Sex 101. God made it, he gave it as a gift to heterosexual couples in marriage, it is meant to be enjoyed, and it should promote unity and oneness in marriage.

Does the reminder solve all of my personal frustrations or take away the desire? No, but it does help in that it reminds me how good God is, that he knows what I need, that Jesus was also tempted in every way, and yet did not sin. It renews my will to wait on God and trust what he says is best for me.

I know that I am not the only one who struggles with this, and I know getting married doesn't solve all of the issues—marriage is another whole subject for another blog! So I hope for those of you who are genuinely trying to live as "image bearers," as I am, that this is as encouraging to you as it is to me. We can live in victory!

I would love to hear thoughts and comments about what you think. I have really put myself out here, but I think the cause is worthy. This debate, if it continues to go on without God's voice, well ... I hate to think where it will go from here.